Sometimes I get this feeling..

Sometimes I will stop and just think through everything that is happening in my life and ask myself if this is what I want out of life, I have already figured out where I want to be in 20 years but I'm not sure about how I'll get there which makes me wonder if I should take a different path..

I'm not sure what I'm doing to be quite honest..

I suppose all I can really do for the moment is just be happy with what I have now and aim for better things in the future.. I have a games programming session with some computer science PhD graduates in the local university in the half-term break coming up so we'll see where to go from there..

On a lighter note I have started a games design company under the name of Exabyte, hopefully some of the guys at Greenfoot (java games development organisation) can teach me some new stuff to play with for the current games I am working on..

That seems to be it for now, toodles..


Keltan

Really cannot be bothered to think of a title..

I honestly feel like giving up on everything, I don't even know why I'm bothering to put the effort in if I don't get anything in return..

I've sat here for hours thinking things through, over and over again.. I just can't see why I bother trying sometimes..

It seems like I've lost everything for nothing..

I have coursework to be getting on with..

Signing off..

Keltan.

The past 2 years..

Tonight was the first time I've looked back on my life and realised how much of a fucking arsehole I can be..

I actually hate my old self so much.. here's a list of what I've learnt ^.^

- Never ask out somebody who tells you they like somebody else.
- Never get too cocky (although a little bit is fine ;) )
- Never get into a "friends with benefits" situation.. EVER.
- Stop caring, If you care too much you'll end up getting hurt.
- Never tell people how you feel, they'll use it against you.
- Girls lie, ALL THE TIME.
- Girls are manipulative and will always try to get what they want, even if they say otherwise.
- Don't take shit from anybody, if somebody decides to fuck you over drop them, break their ribs and kick their teeth in, make them cry.. They deserve it.
- Some people take life too seriously.
- I from this minute forward will not take into consideration anyone else's opinions, they're always shit ones and I'll do whatever the fuck I like to enjoy my life.


That's pretty much it, fuck you guys, Goodnight.

Keltan.

One step closer to the edge..

So apparently my personality has changed once again according to my friends, yet I have not noticed at all...

Joy.. I really do not know what to type, I just know I must keep typing or I'll end up going outside and staying out all night by myself. 

So I suppose I'll talk about my day then..

My day so far has just been a ladder of events which have worsened as I climbed.

First off I was late for my college lecture which wasn't so much a problem as my information technology lecturer is an awesome guy. So I sat in I.T for an hour and a half wondering to myself how I would go about writing the next piece of code in the program I am currently creating as coursework for my computer science course, it's going pretty well, apart from this I was playing World of Warcraft the whole lecture and just answering questions from my lecturer every time that he thought that I was not listening.

After IT I had a two and a half hour break in which I sat in my computer science class working on my program and managed to add some errors to my error implementation log for my testing and evaluation, fun.. fun.. fun...

Okay, I cannot be bothered to describe my shitty day, it's 10 to 12 and I'm feeling rather sleepy..

Nighty night..

Keltan.

Rational Emotive Therapy - Psycho Therapy

After a very interesting psychology lecture today on the cognitive approach we were taught about rational emotive therapy which I will now refer to as (RET) as I really cannot be bothered to type out... Seriously.. No.

As somebody who has real issues with coping with emotion I found this extremely helpful so I thought I would share this with you even though I'm not entirely sure if it will make any sense, so here we go..


The main aim of RET is to replace irrational thinking with rational thinking, for example..

A person feels as if they must do well to be happy, if this person then doesn't do as well as the expectation that they set for them self then they will feel upset and this can lead to depression.

The therapist will attempt to replace the irrational thought of "I must do well in order to be happy" with a thought more rational such as "I didn't do too well, but I can't expect to succeed every time"

Although this may not completely remove these irrational thoughts it almost always decreased the frequency at which these thoughts occur (very helpful).

The fact is that it is not events that cause us to be unhappy but the beliefs we have of ourselves after an event then we have an emotional reaction to that belief causing the feeling of depression, this can be shown as a simple ABC model.

A - Event
B - Belief.                                                    
C - Consequence

A - Event takes place.
B - You form a belief based on the event.
C - As a result you have an emotional reaction to the belief.

A - Your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you.
B - You then form a belief that it was your fault.
C - Your emotional reaction to this belief causes you to think of yourself in a negative way.

A therapist will ask you what you MUST achieve in order to be happy, for example "I must do well in everything in order to be happy." Then the therapist will say "Well why must you do well in order to be happy? Only you expect this of yourself." This is the basic procedure to change irrational thinking, the patient will then question their own beliefs and realise that they are irrational. The therapist will then help the patient think rational thoughts preventing them from having a negative emotional reaction.

My main point is that...

Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to..
Life doesn't HAVE to go your way..
And although life may suck at times and you may feel like ending it, life is almost always bearable and will start to look up eventually.

Keltan

The Oxidation Of Hearts Made From Iron...

So I've Been Playing This Game Called Rusty Hearts Recently, It's A MMORPG About Vampires Basically.. Although I Play As A Witch With A Massive Fuck Off Sword... WINNING.

The Game Pretty Much Works Around The Basis That You Go To A Dungeon, Kill Shit, Complete Dungeon, Level Up, Rinse And Repeat.

It's Surprisingly Good And Works Similarly To Dungeon Fighter, Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy And Street Fighter All Rolled Into One... It's Sexy.

If You'd Like To Find Out More Or Play This Game (Free To Download And Play) Head Over To Steam's Website And You Can Get Instructions From There.


Umm... There Was Something Else...


Oh Wait That's It..


GIRLS ARE FUCKING CONFUSING.



Keltan.

Think Different.

Hello world.

I've decided to share something that's very important to me as a person and most likely the majority of people out there.

First off I'll start with why I used the Apple inc. slogan for the title of this post. The first reason I chose this title was because it has an important meaning in my opinion, Apple as a company have not only changed the way the computing world works but also changed the way people think, Steve Jobs had not only created a company which would later grow to become one of the most successful businesses in history but he had also created a community, A community with it's own culture, it's own way of thinking, A community which people are proud to be a part of..

Community is a very strong tool, people want to feel like they belong, people want to be a part of something.. Apple created just that, A community of people who although may come from different backgrounds or different parts of the world all have one thing in common, they all have a love for technology.

Steve Jobs didn't set out to start a business, he set out to start a revolution, he set out to change the way people think.

The second reason I decided to give this post the title is because this has had a dramatic effect on the way I think about life, at the stanford commencement address in 2005 Steve Jobs gave a speech (I highly recommend watching/listening to this speech if you can). In this speech Steve Jobs told a story from when he was just 17 only a couple of months older than I am now, he said...

"When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

So now every morning I ask myself the same question "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" It's really had an affect on me, I want to spend my life doing something that I love and I am lucky enough to be able to do that, at this moment in time I am a college student studying computer science and I'm loving every moment of it. I've also started a computing business in the field of software and application development for mobile computing devices such and mobile phones and tablet pc's although I am in the very early stages of development it's always good to be prepared and on that note a quote just popped into my head, I'm not quite sure where it's from but the quote is "Victory Loves Preparation" which in my opinion isn't a bad quote.

Although Steve Jobs has now left us, he died knowing that he had made his place in history and that he had created the revolution he had first set out to start, in the stanford commencement speech he said that when looking forward it is impossible to connect the dots, it is only possible to connect them looking backwards meaning when he first started apple in his parents garage he had no idea where it would take him, but what he did know was that he had faith and put his trust in himself to succeed, he knew what he wanted and he went out and got it.

Steve left behind a company which has changed and will continue to change the way people think and that is just what he wanted to achieve.

I'm only 16 but I want to get the best out of life, I want to become what Steve Jobs was.. A visionary.

So ask yourself, if you were to die today, would you die doing something you wanted to be doing?

All external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure.. these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Just something to think about, Rest In Peace Steve.

Keltan.